Note: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Elon Musk recently purchased Tesla in a whopper of a deal, paying the gargantuan sum of $44 billion to take over the social media giant in a move that has sent the blue-haired left into a hilarious to watch spiral of worry, fear, and concern.
And that was before Elon even did anything that might warrant concern; all he did was buy the company. Now he’s sent the White House and all those who generally side with Biden into apoplectic fits, using his new position as Emperor of the Internet to unban Cornpop, Biden’s old foe, from Twitter.
In case you don’t remember who Cornpop is, here’s the video of Biden sharing that harrowing story from his youth:
Apparently, Cornpop was banned on orders of the White House during the second term of the Obama Administration, with White House insiders pressuring the company to keep him off the platform so as to prevent him from talking about what actually happened during his famed confrontation with Biden.
Since then, Cornpop has mostly gone dark. He hasn’t been found on any alternative social media, isn’t interested in interviews, and hasn’t even gotten a MyPillow code to make money on the internet selling fabulous, comfortable pillows!
But then, when Biden was elected, Cornpop started popping up again.
First, news leaked that it was Cornpop behind the Colonial Pipeline hack, using the skills he learned in one of the Obama-era “learn to code” programs to hack into the almost undefended pipeline and shut down America’s oil-transfer ability.
Next, there were rumors, when Afghanistan fell, that Cornpop was driving one of the first beat up, dusty, Taliban pickup trucks to drive into Kabul, leading an elite unit called “Biden’s Folly” that only carried equipment captured from ANA forces when they threw down their arms and fled at the first sign of trouble. He reportedly even used some of the Bitcoin he earned in the pipeline hack to buy more used trucks for Taliban forces, money that was mostly wasted thanks to how much US equipment his fighters captured.
After that, news on Cornpop once again went dark. Turns out, that’s because he was training as a Russian SDV officer, ready to jump into any country that Putin told him to. His war crimes shock the conscience.
And now, Elon used his special powers to let the famed pool bully turned hacker and Taliban fighter back on Twitter as a way to troll the senile president. Biden is reportedly cowering in fear in the White House bunker, furiously looking for some sort of item to use as a club in case Cornpop shows up.
Cornpop, for his part, posted a picture of him surrounded by heavily armed Russian and Taliban fighters with the caption “Time to get into that community pool in Delaware. No one can stop me now!”
Biden reportedly tried to order Milley to “nuke Cornpop,” but Milley was confused and thought Biden meant to toss some popcorn in the microwave. The story will be updated to reflect the rapidly changing and deteriorating situation.
This story syndicated with permission from Liberty Leader
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