NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Elon got tired of the criticism about his purchase of Twitter and, being unable to handle it any longer, snapped and decided to just go ahead and kick all those that criticized him not off of Twitter, where he had vowed to protect free speech, but out of their Teslas, about which he’d made no such pledge.
So, getting furious at all the unfair and obviously lie-filled propaganda about him and his purchase of the social media giant, Elon called his top software engineers into the conference room, where he told them exactly what he wanted them to do.
Nodding and chuckling to themselves after hearing what Elon wanted done, then spent a day scanning Twitter and gathering the names of all those who dares mock Elon, call for him to not be allowed to purchase Twitter, or otherwise attacked or insulted Elon in the wake of the announcement of his Twitter purchase.
After doing so, they scanned that list against the list of Tesla owners, figuring out which Telsa owners hated Elon.
Turned out, the overlap was substantial, as it’s generally leftists that both hate Elon and that own electric vehicles. So, after verifying and reverifying the names list, Elon had the same group of engineers craft him a yuge red button that he could use to shut down the Telsas all at once.
Once it was completed, he logged onto Twitter and posted a video of him slapping it and giggled. There was no caption other than a laughing emoji.
Chaos, as could be expected, quickly ensued. Elon had whacked the button at 7am EST, right as people started heading to work or getting ready to do so.
As a result, thousands of leftists were late to their media, think tank, government, NGO, and education jobs, unable to make it to work because their Teslas refused to unlock or turn on.
But that was just the first part. They then got a message from their Tesla app: they could either delete all their anti-Elon tweets and post a message about how great they think he is, or find some other vehicle to use indefinitely.
Fortunately, Elon had written a clause allowing the indefinite turning off of any Tesla for any reason into the contract that all Tesla owners signed, so he was able to avoid any contract suits.
So, many had to delete their tweets and post about Elon to get their cars turned on, with government officials afraid to strike back out of a fear that he’d turn off their cars.
The right was largely unaffected by the Tesla terror, as it’s now being called, as conservatives tend to drive real cars rather than upgraded golf carts, however nice those golf carts might look.
Elon,for his part, refused to elaborate about the incident later, merely saying that people needed to “laugh more”.
This story syndicated with permission from Liberty Leader
Notice: This article may contain commentary that reflects the author's opinion.
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