NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things got weird with the FBI on Friday, when Director of the FBI Christopher Wray had to once more step into the breach and deal with a chaotic situation at the Bureau caused by its biases.
What happened, you see, was that the FBI went to work trying to entrap patriots again, doing what it did with the conservatives involved with the supposed Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot, only on a larger and more geographically diverse scale.
The problem, however, was that the FBI didn’t account for the creation of Biden’s Ministry of Truth, and so all the fake social media profiles it set up kept getting flagged by that new agency, which was silently waiting and watching, unaware that it was spending its time focusing on fake FBI profile accounts.
Then came the raid, which was probably the most embarrassing part of the whole incident for all involved.
The Ministry of Truth had, through a series of highly technical maneuvers, managed to trace all of the fake accounts back to the FBI building, as the FBI agents involved in the trap profiles weren’t smart enough to use VPNs when posting or to clear images of metadata.
So, realizing that all the disinformation was coming from one building in downtown DC, the Ministry of Truth, which didn’t bother looking up the address, sent a tactical team to take down what it suspected to be a Russian center of disinformation.
Chaos ensued as the tactical agents rolled up to the Hoover Building, jumping out of their “to serve and protect” painted APCs and IFVs and rushing into the building, tossing a mix of concussion grenades, flashbangs, and tear gas canisters.
The FBI agents, also thinking the Russians were attacking, started firing back, spraying and praying into the lobby as the tactical team fired back and lit up the FBI staffers that were mostly out of shape and poor shots, cutting through them like a scythe through wheat.
The FBI then resorted to calling in its own tactical team, which proceeded to get in a gun battle with the Ministry of Truth’s tactical response unit until both units ran out of ammunition and had to consolidate their forces.
At that point, the National Guard and Marines had finally arrived at the scene of the downtown DC gun battle and settled the warring parties down, stopping them from murdering each other or nearby civilians.
After everything had settled down, both parties were made to apologize to each other, shake hands, and go home without trash talking the other side or talking about the incident on Twitter.
Wray, discussing the embarrassing situation in a press conference, said “what happened was obviously unfortunate, but these are the sacrifices to keep America safe and free from attack.”
Lost on him and the Ministry of Truth, apparently, was that the FBI had been the group that made Americans, at least near the Hoover Building, very unsafe.
This story syndicated with permission from Liberty Leader
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