Let’s Go Brandon? At Least to His Fourth of July Cookout, Since Ours Is Skyrocketing!

Hey, anyone remember 2021? You know, the good old days! Fewer protests, cheaper gas, far less acrimony nationally.

Hard to believe anything post Trump could be considered “good old days” but considering how much of a crap-fest our economy and the world is right now, 2021 probably is as close to the good old days as we will get for a while.

Brandon has jacked the country up to historic levels economically, and our Fourth of July cookouts will probably reflect that. Unless of course you shopped in 2019 and deep froze your summer of 2022 goods in anticipation. if you did that, email me. I need some future advice for what’s left of my 401k.

So, let’s check in with the Charlotte Observer and see what this year is going to cost us, shall we?

Americans are gearing up for one of our nation’s most celebrated summer holidays, and that means preparing to spend a lot more for the Fourth of July cookout.

According to a new study from Wells Fargo and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an average 10-person cookout will cost Americans 11% more than it did last year.

Thank goodness I don’t have ten friends! I knew the last couple decades I spent NOT cultivating close friendships would pay off. Thanks Joe! He must’ve known in my mid-fifties I’d need higher food prices to keep the moochers away!

I do have four adult kids, but they already know house rules state that if you are coming for any food related events, better bring what you want! Hey, I didn’t raise my kids to be freeloaders!

Last year, the Biden administration attempted to take credit for a 16-cent—yes, seriously—decrease in the cost of an average family’s 4th of July meal.

This year, it’s up 17%, an extra $10 a family.

No White House tweet this time around.

I wonder why?

😂😂😂

— Brad Polumbo 🇺🇸⚽️🏳️‍🌈 (@brad_polumbo) July 1, 2022

The pandemic has disrupted global supply chains. The costs of corn and soybeans, which are used in animal feed, have skyrocketed. In recent months, U.S. poultry farmers have culled millions of chickens as a bout of bird flu swept through flocks, NPR reported.

The ongoing war in [redacted] is also affecting wheat prices. [Redacted], one of the world’s top wheat exporters, has been blocked by Russia from distributing grain supplies from the country.

Really? We are still going to blame the pandemic and “Putin’s price hike”? Last year the White House famously touted a sixteen-cent reduction from the previous year regarding 4th of July food prices. Weren’t we in the pandemic last year? I seem to remember something about that!

On the subject of Putin’s price hike. Give me a break. I’m sick of everything being blamed on a war half a world away. We are the biggest economic power in the world. If we can’t survive an invasion of a country that mainly exports grain, when half our damn country is wheat fields, then I shudder to think what life will be like if China ever makes a move.

Let’s look at what’s up in price.

Pork by 3 percent: I assume that doesn’t mean hot dogs, since they are such a small percentage of pork. Guess I’m cutting out the ribs and chops!

Hot dogs over 6 percent: There’s the pork! I suppose I can buy the super cheap dogs. I mean, if you burn them properly, who can tell?

Wine: 5.8 percent: Yea, I’m not providing wine. If any of my wino friends wants wine, they can BYOB.

Ice Cream: 6 percent: This hurts. At least it justifies not buying that communist Ben and Jerry brand.

Fruits and Veggies 7 percent: So much for the veggie tray. Anyone jonesing for carrots and ranch, I can provide the ranch, you better bring your own greenery.

Buns up 10 percent: What the heck? Are they “buns of steel”? Definitely going to have to go store brand or “day old” buns on this one.

Ground beef up 11 percent: Damn! So, I can spring for the 80/20, but don’t expect any Wagyu this year. Better luck in 2023.

Chicken up 23 percent: Mother clucker! Who do we blame for this? Big chicken? Those damn chicken CEO’s need to be more patriotic and bring down the cost of wings!!!!

Beer up 25 percent: This almost brings me to tears. I don’t even like most of my friends and family if we aren’t drinking. Once again, BYOB!

I’m making light, sure, but it just underscores a sad fact. Brandon and his excuses have made things harder for ALL of us. Having a nice 4th cookout should require a bank loan.

Until we run this clown show out of Washington, I’m afraid we may all have to resort to “pot luck” 4th cookouts. That’s just UNAMERICAN! Happy 4th everyone!