Cutthroat Psaki Refuses to Call on NBC So She Can Look Better after Arriving [SATIRE]

NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

It’s a little-known secret at this point that White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki will be, after she leaves her post as Biden’s whipping boy with Peter Doocy as her chief tormenter, working for an MSM outlet, probably NBC.

What’s less known is that Psaki is utterly cutthroat when it comes to her job and is willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

So, preparing herself to look really good once she makes it to NBC, she’s stopped calling on NBC reporters, stopped giving them any access at all to the White House, and is otherwise doing whatever she can to make NBC look really, really bad.

All that’s being done secretly or seemingly ignorantly, of course: otherwise Jen wouldn’t be hired. But, using her allies and those she has dirt on to control events, Jen’s doing her best to make it happen.

Abd why’s she doing it? Because she wants to make things look like they improved dramatically when she shows up at her job.

Think about it this way: right now, things are looking pretty dire for NBC and the White House isn’t proving helpful at all despite theoretically being on the same team as the leftist, corporate press. But then Psaki will appear, and things will suddenly look great. Access will open up, Q+As will start to go better, and things will be running smoothly.

In Jen’s mind, NBC will credit her for that, thinking that she’s the reason things are going so much better. All she has to do is not let the executives or her future coworkers figure out what exactly is going on behind the scenes.

Or that’s all she had to do. Since we’re reporting on it, you know it’s not at all a secret.

What happened was that Jen forgot the most famous line from WWII propaganda: loose lips sink ships.

Jen let lips run loose about her plot, seeing how it made fellow staffers at the White House view her with a mix of fear and admiration.

Theoretically, they were all told not to talk about it. But, in reality, all did. It was the topic de jure for weeks, with Psaki’s Machiavellian cunning impressing even the famously tough and Machiavellian Kamala Harris and cutthroat Jill Biden.

But then disaster struck. An intern, too tired and confused from trying to transcribe Biden’s speeches to realize what he was doing, started talking to an NBC reporter while taking a smoke break outside. The rest, as they say, is history.

What’s unclear right now is if the leaking of the story hurt Jen’s employment, with mixed reports saying that on one hand the cutthroat NBC executives are impressed with her cunning while, on the other hand, they’re furious that she was using her position to work against them. We’ll keep you updated as more details emerge.

By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of GenZConservative.com. Follow me on Parler and Gettr.